If you already have awkward and bad tan lines from band camp clap your hands
comment s’appelle un chien qui vend des médicaments?
why the fuck is this joke in french and why there is 26k notes am i missing something important
something really important
what do you call a dog that sells drugs?
yeah it’s really only funny in french
all women were bigger and stronger than you
and thought they were smarter
women were the ones who started wars
too many of your friends had been raped by women wielding giant dildos
and no K-Y Jelly
the state trooper
who pulled you over on the New Jersey Turnpike
was a woman
and carried a gun
the ability to menstruate
was the prerequisite for most high-paying jobs
your attractiveness to women depended
on the size of your penis
every time women saw you
they’d hoot and make jerking motions with their hands
women were always making jokes
about how ugly penises are
and how bad sperm tastes
you had to explain what’s wrong with your car
to big sweaty women with greasy hands
who stared at your crotch
in a garage where you are surrounded
by posters of naked men with hard-ons
men’s magazines featured cover photos
of 14-year-old boys
tucked into the front of their jeans
and articles like:
“How to tell if your wife is unfaithful”
“What your doctor won’t tell you about your prostate”
“The truth about impotence”
the doctor who examined your prostate
was a woman
and called you “Honey”
you had to inhale your boss’s stale cigar breath
as she insisted that sleeping with her
was part of the job
you couldn’t get away because
the company dress code required
you wear shoes
designed to keep you from running
And what if
after all that
women still wanted you
to love them.
For the Men Who Still Don’t Get It, written 20 years ago by Carol Diehl.
She wrote a post about the history of this poem that is worth reading.
1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?
2. You talked to an ex today, correct?
Not for 7 months
3. Have you taken someone’s virginity?
The same who took mine
4. Is trust a big issue for you?
I’d say yes
5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?
6. What are you excited for?
Being able to drive
7. What happened tonight?
Practice, practice, practice
8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?
Do what ya want
9. Is confidence cute?
10. What is the last beverage you had?
11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?
Probs, idk its summer
13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?
My fair date got cancelled, so nothing
14. What are you going to spend money on next?
Either dinner of the boy
15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?
16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?
17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?
Uhhhh, I dont really have someone like that
18. The last time you felt broken?
Today, but last thursday especially
19. Have you had sex today?
20. Are you starting to realize anything?
21. Are you in a good mood?
Im in a blank mood
22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?
23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?
I dont know
24. What do you want right this second?
The boy not to leave again
25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?
Depends on more details, but i dont stay with cheaters
26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?
Ya know it
27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?
28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?
A comment made during rehearsal
29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?
30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?
31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?
Not at all
32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?
33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?
I seldom do
34. Listening to?
Pandora, Sam Smith radio
35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?
36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?
37. Do you believe in love at first sight?
38. Who did you last call?
39. Who was the last person you danced with?
Friend at practice
40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?
Cause I waned to
41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?
months ago thank goodness
42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?
43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?
44. Do you tan in the nude?
I havent but i want to
45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?
46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?
Almost every night
47. Who was the last person to call you?
The boy I believe
48. Do you sing in the shower?
49. Do you dance in the car?
50. Ever used a bow and arrow?
51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?
Not in my memory abilities
52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?
53. Is Christmas stressful?
im a teen, so not yet
54. Ever eat a pierogi?
55. Favorite type of fruit pie?
56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
dancer, astronaut, singer
57. Do you believe in ghosts?
58. Ever have a deja-vu feeling?
59. Take a vitamin daily?
60. Wear slippers?
61. Wear a bath robe?
62. What do you wear to bed?
t-shirt and undies
63. First concert?
64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?
Im cheap, wal mart
65. Nike or Adidas?
66. Cheetos Or Fritos?
67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?
68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?
i knew you were trouble ig
69. Ever take dance lessons?
for 11 years
70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?
Politician is something he likes i think
71. Can you curl your tongue?
72. Ever won a spelling bee?
73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?
not that i know
74. What is your favorite book?
The Name of the Wind
75. Do you study better with or without music?
76. Regularly burn incense?
not at all
77. Ever been in love?
78. Who would you like to see in concert?
79. What was the last concert you saw?
80. Hot tea or cold tea?
If its sweet than cold
81. Tea or coffee?
82. Favorite type of cookie?
83. Can you swim well?
84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?
yes, but i dont like too
85. Are you patient?
86. DJ or band, at a wedding?
probs a dj
87. Ever won a contest?
i think so
88. Ever have plastic surgery?
89. Which are better black or green olives?
90. Opinions on sex before marriage?
if ya wanna do it, do it
91. Best room for a fireplace?
92. Do you want to get married?
Do you ever get like super vulnerable late at night that you just want to spill your heart out and say how you feel because you’ve been holding it in for so long and you just need some ventilation and there’s just something about two in the morning that makes me lose my filter and say the things I would never have the guts to say when the sun is up.
the nights were mainly made for saying things that you can’t say tomorrow day
— Neil deGrasse Tyson in response to “Aliens can’t exist because we haven’t found them yet” (via we-are-star-stuff)
— Anonymous (via blackbruise)
today i was in hot topic with my mom and there was a bra with Simba on it so I asked her “want a lion king bra?” she said “why would i?” so I put it in front of my chest and said “hakuna ma tatas” she had to leave the store she was laughing so hard.